When we love someone we want them to love us the same way in return. That's why it's important for most of us to know our partner is thinking about commitment as much as we are. Perhaps they're ready to spend they rest of their life with us. If we love them, this is what we want.
However they may not be on the same page. They may enjoy going out with us, but not ready to make it official. What can we do? How long should we date before making a firm commitment as a couple?
Twenty-five dates or six months whichever comes first! We all know this answer is crazy. What's the right answer? How Long should you date someone before expecting a committment?
Our decisions will depend how compatible you are with your boyfriend or girlfriend. I know couples who have been together for decades. Some made a commitment to each other in less than one month! In fact I know some people who considered it on the first date.
In other relationships people date for many years before making a commitment. Somewhere in between these extremes will be the right answer for you.
Another sobering thought is the number of committed relationships and marriages that end! Commitment is only as good as the person who is making the promise! Is your girlfriend or boyfriend good at keeping promises? Are they responsible and trustworthy?
In all relationships, timing is everything. Sometimes people really love one another. One person is ready for commitment and one isn't. What should you do? Should you have a rule as to how long you should go out with someone before making it official? Should you end a perfectly good relationship if your partner doesn't want to take the relationship to the next level?
Most people would say no, I'm not going to end this excellent relationship just because my girlfriend or my boyfriend, doesn't want to make a commitment. But on the on the other hand, the person who wants to make a commitment can start to wonder if the relationship will ever go anywhere. Does my partner really love me if he or she doesn't want to make a commitment? Good question!
How well do you know each other?
How long have you been dating?
Have both of you been single for a long time or does one person still come with a lot of baggage
Dating for some people is always fun. Living someone on a daily basis can be totally different.
Have you seen your partner in many different situations?
Have you been through rough times?
Has your relationship improved over time?
Are both of you ready for a committed relationship and if not when will you be ready?
How much do you have invested in this relationship? Are you willing to start over?
If the relationship is wonderful now, will commitment make it better or worse?
Why do I need commitment? Is there a reason why I don't feel secure now?
If I don't feel secure in this relationship now, and I talk my partner into making a commitment will I feel more secure? Can I trust them to keep their promise or will they back out of their commitment months or years from now.
What is my partner's definition of commitment. Is it 'till death do us part' or is it 'till I'm no longer happy with this relationship'?
Do you want to spend your entire life with this person through good times and bad times? Or will I be looking for an exit when times get tough?
Do I have any nagging doubts? What are they? Are my fears about commitment real or imagined?
The decision to live with someone is serious. It's really the same thing as marriage and it can be just as difficult to end if it doesn't work out. The more years you spend together the stronger your emotional connection will be.
What if you're partner isn't ready or interested in a more serious relationship? You might be able to force someone to commit to you but of what value is this? When someone tries to manipulate a commitment, it never works.
Commitment is not about the other person, it's always about you. You can't force someone to love you or stay with you for the rest of your life no more than they can trick you into committing to them.
That's why it's best not to pressure someone into making a commitment. In fact it's better not to discuss your desire for a committed relationship at all unless your partner brings it up first!
Consider this situation. If you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you want to take the relationship to the next level or move in them or make it official or get married, ... or whatever form of commitment you're looking for, you're giving away your secrets.
It's better to wait for them to bring up commitment. Why? Because as soon as you talk about a more serious relationship you're changing it's dynamics. If it's already a good relationship why mess with trying to make it 'better'?
If you want to settle down with your boyfriend or girlfriend it would be better to notice what they say about committed relationships. Are they capable of making a commitment you! And are they capable of sticking to it for the rest of their life?
Remember. Some people are able to make a serious committment and some are not. If you want a committed relationship, it's your job to figure out if your partner is able to commit to you. It can't be forced. They must want to do it or it won't work.
Sometimes the timing is wrong. Do they have a lot of baggage right now? When will they be ready? Am I willing to wait?
If your boyfriend or girlfriend isn't aware of your desire to make the relationship official, they're likely to be themselves and express how they really feel about making a commitment to you.
They will be honest. If they believe commitment is not important to you, they will give away the information you're looking for!
If they know commitment is important to you, they may continue telling you what you want to hear for many years, making promises but never keeping them. On the other hand if they don't know you're ready to make a commitment, they're likely to give you more honest feedback.
Observe comments your boyfriend or girlfriend makes. If they continually say things that are not in line with what you want, you'll know you're not on the same page.
If they're indicating that they never want to get married, move in together, or live with you on a permanent basis then you'll have a tough decision to make but you will know how they truly feel about commitment.
The bottom line is, you can make a commitment to someone else, but you can't force anyone else to make you happy. They need to do it because they genuinely want to, not because they have to. It's best to find out the truth about what they believe in first, before you tell them what you want.
By doing things this way you'll be able to make a wiser decision. Should I stay in this relationship and wait for commitment? Or should I move on and find someone who's ready right now?