How To Say No When Someone Asks You Out.
For most women, it's tough saying no to anyone who's interested in dating them, especially if it's a really nice person.
Guys face the same problem too. There is a perception that we will 'hurt' someone if we say no.
So instead of saying no, some women make excuses such as 'maybe another time', or 'I'm too busy now', or 'I have a boyfriend' , ... or whatever, ...
The problem with lying is that if you get caught, it can be even more hurtful.
Also it leads to other questions that you don't want to hear such as, 'can I call you later?' or 'how 'bout if we go out next week?' or 'who's your boyfriend?', etc. ...
When you cover up the real reason for not going out with someone, you're giving a guy hope that you might still go out with them sometime. Most guys can't take a hint and don't understand subtle rejection.
That's why lying backfires most of the time and makes matters worse. One lie leads to another, and pretty soon you lose all credibility, plus you start feeling badly about yourself.
Saying 'no' can take up a lot of your energy if you're not honest and can make it much harder to be honest and say 'no' in the future. You must be honest from the get go or it will be much more difficult as time passes.
How To Say NO Without Hurting His Feelings.
If a guy is really nice like you think he is, he should respect you when you say 'no'. He should walk away without making you feel guilty. He should not try to manipulate you into going out with him.
Every man knows that some women will say no. If a man is going to play the dating game, rejection is part of the game. A really nice guy, will say something like 'thank-you for being honest with me. I respect that.'
You are under no obligation to say 'yes' to every nice guy who asks you out. There are tons of nice guys out there. You're looking for someone special, not just someone who's 'nice'.
You will almost always fair better if you answer with a firm 'no', rather than being indirect and 'beating around the bush'.
You don't need to give a reason for saying 'no'. That's your business. On the other hand, it can be hurtful if you don't say 'no' in a nice way.
A Nice Way Of Saying 'NO'.
You could say this, 'Thank-you for asking me out. It's very flattering that someone as nice as you wants to go out with me. But the truth is that I don't want to go out with you for personal reasons I'd rather not discuss. Can you respect that? (or would you be angry with me if I said 'no'?)'
The reason why this works is that you just gave this guy a huge compliment so he knows he's not being rejected because you don't like him.
You thanked him for asking you out. Also you told him that you don't want to go out with him for 'personal' reasons you don't want to talk about. You are being totally honest.
He knows it would 'wrong' for him to go any further because your reasons are 'personal' i.e. it's none of your business buddy.
And as 'icing on the cake' you polished off your answer with a question that takes a guy off guard. What you asked was 'respectful' and that's very important to men.
What will he say, 'yes, I'm angry with you for saying no.' or 'no I can't respect you for saying no'. Of course not.
Men don't usually get respectful, honest answers like this, and if he's a nice guy he'll respect your honesty.
Another Nice Way To Say 'NO' To A Guy.
You could say this, 'Thank-you for asking me out. You are such a nice person and I like you a lot. There are so many very attractive women who would love to go out with you. But I need to be honest with you. Would that be ok? (Wait for an answer.) OR Would you be upset with me if I told you the truth? (Wait for an answer - which should almost always be 'no go ahead') This is difficult for me to say because I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm not interested in going out with you. Would you be ok if we just left it at that?'
The reason why this works is because you started with compliments. You were honest. You told him you were concerned about his feelings. You were respectful. And you ended it with a question that no nice guy will argue with.
You've been respectful to him. If he's a really nice guy then he'll respect you too and say something like 'sure that's fine with. Thank-you for being honest with me.'
If you run into someone who pushes you, manipulates you, argues, begs, or whatever, ... then this is not a 'nice' guy. This person has personal problems to work out and you need to be firm with him.
You can say things like, 'look, I was honest with you and respectful. I expect the same in return.' Be firm. Don't back down. Don't be manipulated.
If someone pursues you after what you told them, they are not worthy of your time. You need to make it clear to them that you are not interested in dating them and your no means no! It's a firm answer.
This is not easy to do, but do it anyway. No one has the right to disrespect you and your decisions.
An Easy Way Of Saying NO.
A quick and dirty way of saying 'NO' is this. 'Thank-you for asking. You're a really nice guy, but I don't want to go out with you.' SMILE.
Then immediately before he has a chance to say anything, change the subject. Talk about something you know he's interested in other than you. Ask him a question about that.
Or distract him by saying something like, 'see that cute girl over there? She keeps looking this way. I think she's interested in you.
If you use this approach be sure to change the subject immediately. Don't give him time to think about your answer.
Guidelines For Saying No To A Guy.
- Start with a compliment
- Thank them for asking you out.
- Tell them that you're flattered.
- Ask them if you can be honest.
- Admit that it's difficult for you to say no because you don't want to hurt their feelings.
- Say NO (very clearly but gently).
- End with a question as I outlined above.
- Change the subject quickly if possible.
- If a guy can't accept your honest, thoughtful answer, don't worry about hurting his feelings. A 'nice' guy would not make you feel worse than you already feel about saying 'no'. Stand your ground. Be firm. Say 'NO' as loudly as you have to say it. Don't let his personal problems become yours.