Assuming that you met someone online and are now meeting them in person for your first 'date', there are conversation guidelines for you to consider.
This article is about what questions to ask and how to use questions to get to know your date better. Increase your chances of starting an exciting new relationship.
Your primary objective on a first date is to see if there is any 'chemistry'.
Because your date might be nervous, you might not sense any sexual chemistry the first time you meet someone. What I mean about chemistry is that you feel comfortable with your date and they feel the same way about you.
Questions and good conversation is not everything, because people also observe body language, tone of voice, feelings, perceptions, and unspoken words. However asking the right questions will go a long way in making your first date mutually enjoyable.
The opposite is also true. If you ask the wrong questions or talk about inappropriate subjects, you'll have slim chances for a second date. This can be very disappointing if you happen to like someone.
Knowing what not to talk about is just as important as what to talk about.
This is why you want to avoid asking questions related to divorce, separation, ex wives or ex husbands, and even children.
If your date starts talking about these subjects, it won't be long before you'll be talking about your 'situation'. If you have baggage such as going through a nasty divorce, now is not the time to talk about it.
It's ok to spend a moment on the topic of children if you or your date have them, but quickly change to subject to something else.
You can exchange information about how many kids you have and their ages but leave it at that.
Spending too much time talking about children on the first date, may give the impression that you're too busy for a romantic partner and your children take up most of your time.
The first date is about you and your date. You can get more details about their children on future dates.
Also avoid giving away too much personal information about yourself such as what you're looking for in a relationship, likes and dislikes, sexual preferences, medical background, and other serious topics. There will be plenty of time to talk about these subjects once your relationship becomes more serious.
Actually you're much better off if you speak very little about yourself. If your date asks you questions, answer them briefly without going into a lot of detail.
If you talk too much about yourself, your date might get the impression that you're self centered and not interested in them. On the other hand if you avoid answering questions and don't have much to say, it will look like your hiding something.
The more information you can find about your date, the better it will be for you. There's no sense talking about yourself unless your date asks you a lot of questions. You already know everything there is to know about you. What you don't know too much about is this person you just met on the internet. The best way to do get to know them is to ask excellent questions and then listen carefully as they answer.
Try to determine what your date is interested in even before you meet with your date.
If they have an online profile, read it carefully and prepare for your first date. Often times in profiles singles will disclose a lot about themselves, their work, hobbies, and so on.
Sometimes there's a lot of silence on first dates and this can be very uncomfortable.
That's why it's best to ask open ended questions related to what your date is interested in. This demonstrates that you are genuinely care about them and want to know more.
Open ended question can't be answered with a yes or no answer.
An example would be, 'tell me more about that picture in your profile where you were playing basketball.' or 'I'm curious. In your profile, you posted a picture of yourself in a ballroom competition. I found that to be very attractive and it's one of the reasons I wanted to meet with you. How did you happen to get into ballroom dancing?'
No one wants to be interogated or feel like they're on a applying for a job. If you can get him or her to talk about themselves you'll learn more about them and they will be impressed that you sincerely interested in what they have to say. Here are the best kinds of questions to ask to get your date talking.
Step one is to observe your date when you meet them for the first time.
Do they wear a lot of jewelry? If so, you might compliment them by saying, 'that necklace is very attractive. Is there a story behind it?'
'The best way to impress someone is to be impressed by them', Zig Ziglar. What do you notice about your date that impresses you? What do they say that interests you? What would you like more clarification on.
Comments like these are good to interject from time to time when it's appropriate. 'That's very interesting, tell me more'. 'Wow, what happened after that?' 'Yeah I know.' 'That makes sense.'
Short statements like this tell your date that you're paying attention and interested in what they have to say. They're also more likely to tell you more.
It's tempting to ask questions about their likes, dislikes, what they're looking for in a relationship, etc. It's all well and good if they seem interested in that kind of discussion or they bring up these topics themselves.
If they want to talk about these things, you'll certainly learn a lot about them. However it is likely that they'll start asking you similar questions.
It's not a good idea to give away specific information about your likes, dislikes, what's important to you, what you're looking for in a dating arrangement, or relationship, etc. Why? Because you don't have enough information about your date yet.
For example, what if you say, 'I would never date someone who drinks too much or is an alcoholic'.
This might be true, but what if your date likes to drink to excess?
If they really like you, they may try to hide the fact that they like to drink!
Whereas if you didn't mention the subject, they're more likely to be themselves on subsequent dates.
If you tell people what you like and don't like, they might try to be something that they're not, just to impress you.
In the event your date starts asking you deep personal questions on the first date, it's a good idea to have some 'vanilla' answers prepared.
For example, you might say that you're looking for a 'stable relationship that grows stronger with time', or that you're a very positive person that gets along with almost anyone and you're looking for someone who is easy to get along with as well'.
Words like this don't really say much. They're meant to put you in the best light possible while revealing very little about your true relationship needs and wants.
When you're prepared with these interesting but very general answers, you'll feel more confident and you'll be less likely to be nervous.
Some people say too much when they get nervous and that can be a big turn off on a first date.
Of course if you're concerned for your personal safety, that's another reason to avoid disclosing a lot of personal information about yourself on the first date.
Questions are great if they are asked spontaneously and in a light hearted, friendly tone of voice. You want to avoid conversations that sound like a job interview, or nonstop questions with very little meaningful dialogue in between.
Yes you want to put yourself in the best light as possible and you don't want to disclose too much personal information about yourself on the first date, but you should try to 'be yourself' at the same time.